They thought I was a strong woman until one day, life tested that strength that I used to have. I almost lost every reason to live. I was so broken.
But I told myself it’s okay, I am okay. I’ll be okay.
Being in that situation was not anyone else choice. Not his nor mine.
No one deserves that. It felt like it was the hardest, the most painful, and the self-destructive state that I’ve ever been.
But I told myself, don’t worry, it’s normal. That pain is normal.
Held on a little bit longer.
Take every step of the way.
Savor the emotions.
Cry until you fell asleep.
Because no words of whoever can erase that.
Not even a hug of your best friend.
As days passed by, it became even more painful.
But I told myself, let go of it.
Talk to yourself.
Anything that can somehow reduce the suffering.
Because no matter what I do, I know I will remain broken for a time.
And that morning I realized that it’s the most hurtful hour of the day the same with the night before I go to sleep. I lost my appetite and not even interested in anyone or anything.
And that’s okay.
It bleeds more when I go over our photo albums.
The places that we’ve traveled.
The things that we used to do on weekends.
And I can do nothing about it but to take the pain.
If you are experiencing these things at this very moment, embrace it. You will be better soon.
You will talk too much to your close friends seeking sympathy and comfort. You will post indirect quotations at social media hoping that it hits his/her face. Many will not gonna understand you.
Some will act as if they will be different if they are in your situation.
But who the hell cares, it is your pain after all. It is your feelings.
Only you can deal with it.
You can’t get away with it.
So don’t give a f*ck on them.
Pray hard and talk to Him. He will surely listen without questioning your arguments.
Feel His comfort in loneliness.
His hug is better than anyone else.
Life will go on.
No need to fake a smile.
After all, it’s an experience.
It’s an art.
Not everyone has to have a chance to be in that state. Weird, but it’s true.
At the end of the process, you’ll realize that all you need is time.
Time to return to your sanity.
Time to figure out the positive things out of the grey situation.
Time to accept the fact that everything is over.
Feel good about yourself.
Find your way back to who you really are.
Do the things that you love.
And be by yourself.
Life is beautiful. It’s a journey to fulfill.
We might be losing an ally or friends along the way, but it’s okay. It will always be okay.
You’ll wake up one day, stretching your arms, taking a deep breath, telling yourself that finally, you’ve learned the art of letting go: ) And you will just look back and smile to those you thought once an unbearable pain. It will still hurt sometimes. But you will choose to pick up the scattered pieces and mended the broken heart.
And you will no longer cry.